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Nobody's Perfect

Basic Story Beats ~ Troyan Draft ~Acts 1 & 2

Originally Aired November 8, 1986


1. TIGHT on Simon reflecting on his life . . . pull back to discover he's on a couch talking to a shrink about inventor's block . . . is encouraged to think positive & we CUT TO:

2.  EXT. HOUSE ~ big explosion ~ cut inside to Alex rescuing Simon & carrying him to kitchen where Tillie ministers to him ~ biggest hurt is to his confidence ~ Alex & Tillie convince him he's pushing too hard ~ time to take a break & enjoy life.  How?  Simple, says Tillie.  Just call Am. Technological Assoc. back & accept offer to act as judge in annual Technological Fair competition.  Fun in the sun while kibitzing with old pals?  Not a bad idea says a weary & battered Simon as he stares woefully at a robotic fire-alarm doll that waddles in crying, "Erif!  Erif!  Erif!" instead of "Fire!  Fire!  Fire!"

3. TIGHT on TELEPHOTO SHOTS of device being demonstrated ~ cut to figure of man operating it with childlike delight ~ ZOOM IN  & FREEZE FRAME on establishing shot of Harry Krellman.  PULL BACK to discover Troyan briefing his heavies:  this is the device they are to procure for him at the Technological convention.

3. POOLSIDE at luxury Palm Springs hotel ~ Simon & co. arrive ~ greeted by several old cronies, last of which is zany Harry Krellman who we sense from condescending attitude of his peers is frequently off on another planet, a fact that doesn't deter Harry who won't tip anybody off about his revolutionary invention until the press unveiling later that day ~ Harry also introduces his lovely daughter, AMY, to Simon & Alex, Alex taking full note of her tomboyish charm & beauty.  Simon is enjoying himself immensely & says this is just what doctor ordered . . . all play & no work ~ at which point he graciously offers to fix a little kid's life-ring which doesn't work ~ Simon adjusts the air-valve & the child jumps into the pool only to have it deflate causing Alex to jump in fully dressed to keep kid from going under . . . all of which sends Simon back into his blue funk.

4. INT. BALLROOM is a maze of scientific devices competing for Grand Prize including robots, lasers, space-age vehicles ~ Simon & Alex with press corps as Simon rubs elbows with more peers ~ move to shrouded invention which Krellman proudly unveils to reveal nothing but a pile of garbage ~ in shock, he claims his revolutionary "Garbage-a-Rator" has been stolen ~ amid derisive laughter of colleagues, the distraught Krellman pleads to no avail that everybody must believe him . . . his invention is the answer to mankind's need to get out from under the Mt. Everest of non-biodegradable waste that piles up yearly & will eventually inundate us all! ~ but the laughter drowns him out & Harry rushes from the room with Simon & Alex in pursuit.

5.  EXT./INT. HOTEL ~ Simon & Alex looking everywhere for Harry ~ Simon worried about Harry, especially since he believes Harry was telling the truth ~ suddenly a hue & cry ~ there's a man standing on the edge of a roof!  ~  Simon reacts.  Oh no!  Harry!  ~  rush outside & we see it is Harry Krellman . . . apparently on the verge of jumping . . . at which point we FADE OUT.




1. EXT. HOTEL ROOF ~ While Simon distracts Harry, Alex makes a heroic tackle, only to have Amy appear & attack poor Alex.  Simon rushes up to explain they're just trying to keep her father from jumping.  Harry says who's jumping?  He was handling his frustration the same way Simon would:  by busying himself with another invention, this one he proudly proclaims will revolutionize the parachute industry & which he calls the Pocket Parachute, at which point he & Amy proceed to demonstrate it by heaving a pocket-parachute equipped manikin off the roof to prove his point.  Alex is impressed & apologizes to Amy, while Simon hugs Harry & reiterates his belief in Harry's story about the Garbage-a-Rator & promises he won't rest until they solve the mystery.  On the sly, Alex asks Amy if her father ever gets inventor's block.  She replies of course & tells how Harry breaks it:  By playing his kazoo.

2. EXT. GHOST TOWN ~ truck through swinging door of apparently deserted, windblown saloon to discover beehive of activity as Troyan's henchmen prepare for some kind of test.  CUT TO Troyan ordering the test of Harry's strange machine ~ scientist(s) crank it up & train it on a box of papers inside a thick-walled adobe building across the ghostly street ~ a HUM of activity & a PIERCING SHRIEK come from the machine as Troyan tells his ASSOCIATE how this machine will at last allow him to return to the United States a free man without federal marshals tracking him like an animal once he destroys all the evidence against him currently held in the Federal Courthouse pending his apprehension ~ the test progresses & Troyan goes pale with anger when he watches (via monitor) the adobe house obliterated around the box of papers leaving the box of papers the only thing intact!  Troyan works very hard to control his fury when the chief technician blames a built-in safety lock in the wiring . . . . . wiring that he himself cannot fathom.  Fine, says Troyan.  The whole idea of a test run, right?  Well then, let's make sure we get it figured out whatever way necessary.


Simon playing the drums with hotel jazz combo ~ Alex & Amy look on & smile ~ it's working? ~ turn to matter at hand & Alex reports check of hotel security produced nothing, nor did anybody know of any unusual trucking activity ~ Harry joins them after suffering indignity of being kidded by fellow inventors as he crosses to table.  Simon takes his bow as the set ends & sees his friend is distraught.  Turning the drums back to their owner, Simon joins them.  He has been thinking about how best to solve the mystery of missing Garbag-a-rator ~ Who could possibly have a use for it . . . . . & why not make an offer on it rather than risk jail?  Harry has no answers, but he does know one thing:  Simon is a prince of a friend ~ is only one who believes him ~ Simon says nonsense ~ everybody knows Harry is a bit eccentric, but a man to be respected ~ Simon turns to Alex & asks what Hotel Security had to say ~ Alex forced to admit security chief referred to Harry as "that crackpot" & is not about to waste time investigating crime they question ever took place.  Big fanfare & director of Technological competition grabs the mike & invites the incomparable Simon McKay up to stage to do his famous parlor stunt ~ builds robot from junk which collapses to everybody's delight but Simon who needs time by himself & goes off, perhaps rejecting Harry's attempts to reach Simon & talk (if Simon wants to) about what's bothering him.  Simon refuses & goes off.  Harry shrugs & tells Amy & Alex he's going back to his room.

4. SIMON SOLILOQUY SCENE ~ tries to talk self into happier state of mind using old homilies ~ no sir, no reason to talk about it because hey! nothing wrong . . . . . right?  Happens to everybody.  Besides, he can't let it affect him.  Friends like Harry depend on him for support.  Has to be strong for them.


Harry turns corner & runs into Troyan's henchmen ~ you're coming with us!  FADE OUT.

Page property of Rick Mittleman, Michael Berk & Douglas Schwartz

Draft from The Michael Berk Collection

(Note from The MGT:  This page was transcribed from the original copy.  I've attempted to stay as true to the original format as possible.  This is how a brilliant Rough Draft is written, kidz.  Take note, but please don't plagiarize.  Thank you!!)



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