REPORT #1 (LOIS MARTIN)
MARTIN MOSS (ATTORNEY)
MAX KEMP (X)
SECURITY GUARD (X)
LIMOUSINE - DAY
SIMON'S HOUSE - DAY
DEN - DAY
WORKSHOP - DAY
LIVING ROOM - DAY
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY (ON A TV SCREEN)
PLUSH L.A. OFFICE - DAY
VAN - DAY (X)
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
RANCH HOUSE - DAY
POLICE STATION (MULBERRY ST.) - DAY
HOTEL - DAY
ROTUNDA - DAY
DESERT ROAD - DAY
RANCH HOUSE - DAY
Back to Top
EXT. POLICE STATION (MULBERRY STREET) - DAY - 1
Reporters & video crews wait outside as JOSEPH PRANSKI exits the police station with his attorney, MARTIN MOSS, & his bodyguards, LYLE & WINFIELD. Pranski is a coarse bear of a man cut from the Lee J. Cobb mold. The reporters rush up & surround him, the TV news video crew jockeying for position. Reporters drown each other out, "Mr. Pranski, Mr. Pranski, any comments on your arrest . . . How much was your bail . . . when is your trial scheduled, Sir?"
REPORT #1 (LOIS MARTIN)
Mr. Pranski, do you have any comment on the charges against you?
Mr. Pranski has no comments at this time. The charges against him are spurious, totally without merit & yet another example of government harassment.
Pranski's bodyguards rush him to an awaiting limousine.
ANOTHER ANGLE - 2
The District Attorney exits the police station. "There's the D.A." Reporters rush to surround him.
Are you going to be able to make the charges against Joseph Pranski stick?
Like peanut butter to the roof of your mouth. We have concrete evidence safely secured in the vaults of the Federal Building that will prove once & for all that Joseph Pranski is the most powerful leader of organized crime in this country.
INT. LIMOUSINE - DAY - 3
Pranski & his Attorney in back, Lyle & Winfield across from them.
I'm sorry you had to be in there that long, Mr. Pranski, but they gave me a difficult time with your bail.
Pranski slowly turns & impales his attorney with a cold stare.
If I'm found guilty, you're found dead.
Moss clearly fears for his life.
EXT. POLICE STATION - DAY - 4
Lois Martin holds a microphone & speaks to camera.
And then the District Attorney added that the evidence he will present in court on Monday is irrefutable, & will ensure that Joseph Pranski spends the rest of his life in a federal penitentiary.
PULL BACK TO SEE the Reporter on television in:
INT. SIMON'S DEN - DAY - 5
Alex watches the television.
This is Lois Martin reporting. (X)
About time they got Pranski.
INT. SIMON'S WORKSHOP - DAY - 6
TIGHT ON Simon sitting on his workstool uncharacteristically intense, HUMMING nervously to himself while flipping a series of switches on an exotic control panel of a huge flying saucer that balances on his workbench. Suddenly a low pitched WHINE builds to a space-age SHREIK & multicolored rings of ethereal light undulate around it's perimeter indicating imminent lift-off. (TO BE ADDED IN POST-PRODUCTION VIA COMPUTER ENHANCEMENT).
CAMERA PULLS BACK as Simon reaches for a remote controller & flips a switch. Slowly, but surely, the flying saucer lifts off the workbench . . . & promptly BLOWS UP with a horrific ROAR, falling back tot he workbench in a billowing cloud of black smoke that envelopes poor Simon.
INT. DEN - DAY - 7
Alex surges out of the recliner & rushes out of the room!
INT. LIVING ROOM - TIGHT ON TILLIE - 8
turning from her dusting in the direction of the o.s. (off screen) explosion & reacting to the REVERBERATIONS.
TILLIE (heart in mouth)
Tillie rushes into the hall & exchanges a look of concern with Alex as they both dash to the basement door with smoke pouring out of it.
INT. WORKSHOP - 9
Alex & Tillie rush down the steps through the smoke.
Simon! Where are you?
Don't move, we're coming.
The CAMERA MOVES WITH Alex & Tillie who push aside several large toys, & fight their way to where Simon is still sitting on his stool amid the ruins of teh flying saucer from which smoke continues to pour. There is a stuffed GORILLA nearby. (X)
Simon, what happened?
Are you hurt -- are you all right?
I'm fine. Nothing a brain transplant can't cure.
A little toy robot waddles past crying "erif, erif."
Fire. He's saying it backwards.
INT. LIVING ROOM - TIGHT ON SIMON - DAY - 10
his face smudged with soot, laying on a couch free-associating, as if in a psychiatrist's office.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I sit there inventing like I've always done, but nothing works. Last week I made a pogo stick that was a nogo stick. (X)
CAMERA PULLS BACK as Tillie gently dabs the soot away with a damp towel while Alex looks on.
Now don't fret. Everybody goes through a slump.
But they don't strike out every time at bat. (X)
At least you go down swinging. (X)
I never thought it would happen to me. (X)
I've got Inventor's Block. (X)
I've heard of writer's block, never inventor's block.
They say it can happen to anyone creative. I just never thought it would happen to me. (X)
It's stress, plain & simple. Stress.
Simon sits up & swings his feet over the couch.
I've always thrived on stress. (X)
You tell everyone else to take time out to have fun, & all you do is work. (X)
I enjoy working.
Alex is right. You need some R' n R. You need to have fun, loosen up. (X)
That explosion loosened me up just fine. (X)
Tillie opens a drawer & takes out an opened envelope. She hands it to Simon.
Tillie, I'm the last one to be a judge at an inventor's convention right now. (X)
Nonsense. A weekend at Indian Springs with old friends & colleagues. That's exactly what you need, Simon McKay. Alex, get him out of my hair. I've got the women's auxiliary coming to tea Sunday & I don't want him blowing up the espresso machine. (X)
Simon sighs. Alex wonders what he is in for. (X)
An entire convention of inventors? (X)
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY (ON A TV SCREEN) - 11
TIGHT ON unsteady, loving hands throwing switches on the control panel of an oddball, twin-barreled, Ultra-sonic High frequency Sound Generator. (PRODUCTION NOTE: THE MACHINE SHOULD REFLECT THE OFFBEAT CHARACTER OF ITS CREATOR. RATHER THAN BE A FUTURISTIC THING OF BEAUTY. IT SHOULD BE LIGHTWEIGHT & REASONABLY PORTABLE.)
HARRY KRELLMAN - 12
prepares to activate the contraption which is set up on the warehouse floor. Harry is a dynamic bundle of nervous energy with the propensity to keep smiling despite constant rejection. He clowns it up, leaning into the CAMERA & giving his unseen audience an animated "A-OK" gesture with thumb & forefinger. (X) CAMERA PULLS BACK TO:
INT. PLUSH L.A. OFFICE - DAY - 13
Joseph Pranski leans back in his gloveskin executive chair watching video tape. He eyes:
GORDON KILGORE - 14
a nervous shyster lawyer whose mustache does little to strengthen his weak features. In the b.g. (background), Pranski's bodyguards & his attorney, Martin Moss. Pranski is not in the mood for Harry Krellman's antics.
He's eccentric, Mr. Pranski. He's been coming to me with off-beat inventions for fifteen years.
Mr. Kilgore is Krellman's patent attorney. (X)
Most of Krellman's inventions haven't worked, but -- here it is, watch what happens. (X)
On the TV screen see Harry shovel a pile of garbage into a small safe. When he fills it with garbage, Harry closes & latches the door.
I don't have time to watch an idiot shovel garbage into a safe.
Imagine, sir, that the garbage is the evidence against you, & the safe is the vault in the Federal Building. (X)
As Pranski watches:
HARRY KRELLMAN (ON VIDEO) - 15
activates the machine. CAMERA PANS JERKILY TO the safe, then back to Harry who counts down with his fingers: five, four, three, two, one. He shuts off the machine & runs to open the metal door. He waves the camera operator closer to reveal:
A PILE OF DUST - 16
where the garbage has been. Harry clasps his hands over his head & shakes them victoriously.
PRANSKI - 17
lets what he's seen sink in. He looks at Moss.
That was for real. No tricks.
I operated the camera myself, Sir. The machine works with ultra-sonic sound, the same principle used to dissolve kidney stones without surgery.
PRANSKI (stands, goes to window)
What you're telling me is that if that machine is aimed at the evidence, all the D.A. will find when he opens the vault is dust?
And without evidence, the case will be dismissed.
PRANSKI (can't help smiling)
That's justice. How do we get a hold of this . . .
Ultrason . . . Short for Ultrasonic Decomposition Projector. (X)
Krellman's taken it to an inventor's convention that starts tomorrow.
Fill Lyle & Winfield in on the details. I want to see this thing work with my own eyes.
(smiling at the implication)
I can think of a lot of applications for it. (X)
TIGHT ON A SIGN (OR BANNER) - 18
reading: "WELCOME AMERICAN TECHNOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION" SHOT OPENS TO REVEAL:
EXT. INDIAN SPRINGS INN - DAY - 19
Guests arrive & depart. An Ecoline van drives past. We don't have to pay much attention to it now, but we will want to RECOGNIZE it when we SEE it again later.
EXT. POOL AREA - 20
where, literally & figuratively, the beautiful people go to play. In fact, we OPEN:
TIGHT ON ALEX - 21
appreciating a beautiful girl poised on the diving board. Heaven, indeed.
SIMON - 22
Wears a robe over shorts. (X)
All right, I've gotten some sun. Now let's go back in.
Simon starts back. Alex pinwheels him around.
There are two vacant lounges over here.
I don't tan. I burn.
My job is to protect you.
Alex hands him some lotion. Simon looks at it.
Sixteen. Do they make a hundred & twenty eight?
ANOTHER ANGLE - 23
A nubile beauty whose name we will learn is JODY shields her eyes from the sun & gives Alex a long look from her lounge alongside the pool.
SIMON & ALEX - 24
She's staring at you.
Maybe she's staring at you.
The eye level is right, but the aim is off.
Suddenly an O.S. VOICE calls out:
Simon turns & is greeted by a bearded, scholarly VINCENT RASHOVKY, president of the Association.
Mr. Rashovsky, a pleasure.
Any friend of Simon's . . . And thank goodness you're a judge & not a competitor this year, so the rest of us stand a chance.
Oh, you wouldn't've had to worry about that.
Another O.S. VOICE calls out in greeting:
ANOTHER ANGLE - INCLUDING MAX KEMP - 25
A young inventor in his twenties pumps Simon's hand.
Max, good to see you!
Alex Jagger, Max Kemp. Max is the top man today in Applied Kinetics at Manhattan Institute.
Alex shakes his hand as they ad lib a greeting.
Hasn't been the same since you left, Simon. There's no one there with any creative flair.
(to others with a twinkle)
This is the only man in the world who could spell out 'Happy Birthday, Max' with an artificial bolt of lightning!
Suddenly yet another O.S. VOICE . . . chanting raucously:
Simon reacts & turns to see Harry Krellman.
Catch a neutron by the toe!
If it breaks up, let it go!
With a shriek of pure joy, both come together & Harry sweeps Simon up in his arms & whirls him around.
SIMON & HARRY (chorusing)
Implode! Outplode! Isotope! You-sa-tope!
OUT - 26-28
OTHER INVENTORS - 29
exchanging disdainful looks as Simon & Harry break up in boyish laughter reserved for special friends. Obviously, Harry Krellman ranks somewhere between Famine & Plague on the Establishment's list of favorites.
Simon! I can't believe you're here! (X)
SIMON (gasping for air)
Moe . . .
Oh sorry. I just didn't expect to see you. I thought you weren't competing in these things anymore.
It's worse. I'm a judge.
HARRY (lights up)
Simon, wait'll you see what I've got this year --
No campaigning, Krellman!
The Ultrason will make Krellman a household word! Maybe they'll name a school after me. Or a library.
Or a flophouse. They can store your inventions there.
Gobble, gobble, Rashovsky. Gobble, gobble, you understand what I'm saying to you, turkey?!
You're going to be kicked out of the association, Krellman!
Not after they see what I'm unveiling today! Picture this, Simon. The turn of the century. You're flying into New York City. But all you can see are the tips of the tops of the World Trade Towers, & a little button where the Empire State Building pokes through piles & piles of solid garbage -- waste, hazardous & otherwise, that we learned to make but not get rid of. Now that nightmare is finally over. We can wake up to a new day finally free from the misery of refuse.
If it can get rid of the garbage we just heard, I'll buy one. See you later, Simon.
Several people laugh & drift away. Harry is hurt.
Don't pay attention to Rashovsky. It sounds like a breakthrough to me.
Today is the last day I'll ever be laughed at. Because I've finally done it, Simon. I've finally invented something worthwhile.
That's terrific. I'm really happy for you. You've worked hard & nobody deserved it more than you do. Alex Jagger, allow me to introduce a genius ahead of his time. Moe Krellman.
ALEX (shaking hands)
I like your style, Moe.
Thanks. But it's Harry.
My name. I changed it from Moe.
Why'd you do that?
Because Moe Krellman was a perennial loser. Harry was my father's name. And I'm going to do it proud.
Simon & Alex observe Harry's sincerity.
Alex, your friend is a very special man. I've always looked up to you, Teeny Weeny.
You're the only one I'd let say that to me.
And live. I've gotta go get everything ready for the press tour. Simon, you've shared my flops. Today you're going to share my triumph. You are an eagle among turkeys.
Harry starts away, then turns back.
Wait! What's bigger than an eagle? You're a flamingo among turkeys. No! An ostrich -- Pterodactyl! You are a pterodactyl among turkeys, Simon. And don't ever forget that! (X)
And Harry is rushing off in a heal-toe walk out of an Olympic event. Alex watches him. So does Simon, enjoying Harry.
You know some interesting people. (X)
I'm very lucky. Let's get some sun. (X)
Simon goes over to a lounge & lays down, feeling better about things. He starts putting lotion on his face.
It's good to see you finally relaxing.
Tillie was right. Old friends, no pressure or self-doubt. (X)
Simon sees an over-weight woman frustrated with a flat air mattress. Simon is in the mood to help. He goes to her.
Excuse me. Do you need some help with that?
It won't stay inflated.
Simon examines it.
A-ha! It's just a faulty valve. All I need is a toothpick.
Alex surveys a vacated luncheon table & comes up with a toothpick & lays it in Simon's hand.
Simon starts working on the valve stem.
ALEX - 29-A
takes advantage of the moment to approach Jodi, who is in a lounge nearby applying suntan lotion.
Are you an inventor, too?
No. But I'm inventive.
At certain things. But not a getting this oil onto my back.
Need a hand?
I'd love one. (X)
Alex puts his hand out. Jodi squirts some oil into it, & Alex begins applying it to her back.
IN THE POOL - 29-B
The woman lays down on the inflated air mattress as Simon stands at the edge.
Thank you very much.
Glad I could help.
ANGLE - 30
The air suddenly rushes out of the air mattress, propelling it a few feet across the water before it sinks, the woman along with it. She splashes, clearly unable to swim!
ALEX - 31
sees her predicament &, leaving Jodi, dives in to rescue the Woman. She pushes him under groping for him, her flailing making it difficult for Alex to finally get her to the side of the pool.
SIMON - 32
his heart in his shoes, rushes to the lady.
Are you all right?
Why did you do that to me? (X)
SIMON (to her & everybody staring at him)
I was only trying to help.
Simon has slipped back into his blue funk, plagued once again by the specter of inventor's block.
It's gone -- it's missing -- somebody store my Ultrason! (X)
ANGLE - 32-A
Harry runs toward Simon, panic in his eyes. Behind him, Max, Rashovsky & some other INVENTORS come out, some laughing, others just shaking their heads. Harry grabs Simon.
Simon, it was behind the curtain, all set up & ready for the unveiling, but it's gone, someone stole it!
Moe, Moe, calm down --
My life's work's been stolen!
That Ultrason didn't work, did it, Krellman? You set this whole thing up to cover for another failure!
It worked, & I can prove it! I made a video tape.
All right, show us the tape!
I would . . . but it was stolen.
There is laughter.
Krellman, the only thing inventive about you are your excuses.
Somebody stole the ultrason & I'm going to find out who!
Harry runs off.
Rashovsky, see that raft?
Simon directs Rashovsky's attention to the flattened raft floating on top of the water, then pushes Rashovsky, fully clothed, into the pool.
Moe, wait! Harry!
Simon rushes after him, followed by Alex. Rashovsky climbs out of the water.
OUT - 33-38
EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY - 39
The van we saw at the hotel earlier speeds along the desert road.
INT. VAN - DAY 40
In the van, Lyle & Winfield wearing moving company overalls.
ANOTHER ANGLE - 41
In the back of the van, Harry's Ultrason. (X)
Back to Top
END OF ACT ONE
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - UPSTAIRS - DAY - 42
Simon comes in looking for Harry. Alex enters from the other side.
Did you find him?
No. Simon, do you really believe him?
I believe in him. And he believes it works. (X)
They look for him. Suddenly, from o.s. (X)
Open it! Now!
INT. LOBBY - THEIR P.O.V. (Point of View)- DAY - 43
Just outside the hotel entrance where an "Evelyn-And-Her-Magic-Harp" type WOMAN in a cocktail dress struggles to keep Harry from unzippering her vinyl-covered harp. The area is busy with arriving & departing guests, stacked luggage, cabs, perhaps a small hotel van, etc.
I work here! It's just a harp!
That's what you say!
In the struggle the case falls & we hear the SOUND of HARP STRINGS. Harry realizes he's wrong.
You're free to go, but watch it next time.
Harry peels away.
ANOTHER ANGLE - INCLUDING SIMON & ALEX - 44
Simon yells down to Moe.
But Harry is not to be denied. He rushes out amid the welter of cars.
Hold these cars! No one leaves until I say so! All of you, step out of your cars & open your trunks! (X)
Harry is intercepted by a uniformed private SECURITY GUARD.
SECURITY GUARD (polite, but no-nonsense)
Sir, I'm with hotel security --
It's about time you got here! Search the cars on the left, I'll take the ones over here!
Why don't you come inside with me.
No, no, one of us has to stay out here. But that's a good idea. You take the inside!
Harry spins away & stands in the path of a departing Hotel Mini-Van, waving his arms & shouting.
Stop! All right, everyone out! Move it! One at a time!
The Security Guard is about to grab Harry when:
SIMON & ALEX - 45
SIMON (to Guard)
It's all right. He's just upset because his invention was just stolen from the convention. (X)
ALEX (shows I.D.)
I'm a Federal Officer. Can we find out who had access to the ballroom, & get a list of all arrivals & departures, pickups & deliveries. (X)
Alex goes off with the Security Guard.
HARRY - 46
looks plaintively to Simon
You believe me, don't you, Simon?
Of course I do. Come on, let's go see if we can figure this out.
They walk back toward the hotel as everyone stares at this odd couple.
EXT. RANCH HOUSE - DAY - 47
The van & a limousine sit in the dusty parking area outside a remote weatherbeaten desert ranch house.
INT. LIVING ROOM - RANCH HOUSE - DAY - 48
Pranski paces the old, minimally-furnished room while Kilgore fusses over the stolen Garbage-a-rator controls. The twin barrels are aimed at a small safe. Moss puts papers in the safe & closes it. Lyle & Winfield keep an eye on everything.
Just a few more seconds. I watched exactly how Krellman did it.
What's the range on this thing?
He said it was about five hundred feet.
Pranski looks at Moss.
I've already arranged to use an office across the street from the Federal Building. It's within that range.
There. It's triangulated right on the papers in the safe. We ready?
Just be careful, this place is a drop point. I don't want holes blown in it.
Kilgore flips the starter switch. The machine comes to life, sounds, lights, all very impressive.
It just takes ten seconds.
(looks at watch)
Three . . . two . . . one. That should do it!
Kilgore turns the machine off. Everyone gathers around the safe. Moss opens it.
ANOTHER ANGLE - 48
The papers are still in the safe, exactly as before. Pranski stiffens, glares at Moss & Kilgore.
Maybe I just didn't set it right, I . . . I'll try it again.
I have no time for this.
It works, I swear, I saw Krellman do it.
Then get him out here! I want this thing working by the time I get back! You've got four hours!
Pranski strides toward the door.
EXT. POOL AREA - DAY - 50
Alex talks on an extension phone at a table bordering the pool.
Right, an Ultrasonic Decomposition Projector -- Don't ask -- yeah, call me back as soon as you've run the guest list through the computer -- I know -- yeah, let me know if anything shakes loose. (X)
As Alex hangs up, Jody floats into VIEW on an air mattress.
How's it going?
Getting curiouser & curiouser.
Sounds like 'Alice in Wonderland.'
Alex. Alex in Wonderland.
ANGLE ON TABLE - BY POND - 51
Simon holds fork in his hand. Harry is depressed.
This reminds me of the first time we met. At the convention in Chicago? Remember, Moe? (X)
Simon, Harry, okay? (X)
Harry. Remember? We decided to do something important for mankind & invented edible silverware. Two geniuses at work. (X)
They laugh. (X)
Yeah, but you went on to do great things, Simon. I've gone the long way around to nowhere. (X)
It just took you longer, that's all. But you've hit your stride. The Ultrason sounds like a brilliant invention. (X)
Harry appears uncomfortable, but quickly shifts.
One flash in the pan. But you, Simon. Your brain has always sizzled.
(points to different areas of his head)
An idea here, a concept there, wait! A thought! A memory! An idea pulling it all together -- Zap! Zip! Bip! Bingo! Innovation! (X)
SIMON (thinks about his block)
If I'm lucky. (X)
No. Your creativity never goes dry. Mine hardly ever gets moist. (X)
I'm dry now.
Not you, no. (X)
Yes, me, yes. (X)
Haven't had a bingo in weeks.
Bummer. It's a real killer when the synapses won't fire right. Believe me, I know. Your brain feels like an out-of-tune klunker that needs new sparkplugs. (X)
SIMON (definitely agrees)
Too bad you can't go in with a wrench & . . . (X)
Simon makes the gesture of fixing his brain through his ear.
I'll get the other side.
Harry does the other ear, making the accompanying sound effects. A waitress comes up & stares at them in the strange position. They look up at her, slightly embarrassed.
We ran out of Q-tips. (X)
The waitress walks away.
INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY - 52
Simon & Harry come off the elevator on the top floor & head down the hall.
I should have become a comic book illustrator -- like my cousin Mort. In comics anything your imagination can dream up works. Forget gravity. Don't worry about the limits of nature. Let your imagination soar! And it works! (X)
(seems excited, then)
God, I'm depressed. Simon?
What is it, Moe?
HARRY (excited again)
Cosmo Krellman, Cosmic Inventor! That's the answer. I'll draw myself into a comic book. Then at least I can win in the end. (X)
True. But you'll only be able to say things that'll fit in those little bubbles.
Simon, whoever invented friendship used you as the prototype.
Look, why don't you take a hot bath & relax. I'll go find out how Alex is doing on recovering your real invention that really works in the real world.
HARRY (uncomfortable again)
Simon, don't bother. It's gone.
It's not a bother. Besides, I'm a judge. It's my duty to get a look at every invention. We'll meet for dinner at six.
Harry nods. Simon leaves as Harry goes into his room.
INT. HARRY'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY - 53 (X)
As Harry steps into the dimly lit room, Lyle & Winfield step out of the shadows & grab him from behind. Taken by surprise, Harry fights back, kicking out with his feet & knocking over an end table lamp as they try to chloroform & stuff him in a trunk.
INT. CORRIDOR - SIMON - 54
walking down the corridor, then freezing as he hears the o.s. CRASH & further SOUNDS of STRUGGLE. He turns, rushes back to Harry's room & plunges inside.
INT. HARRY'S HOTEL ROOM - 55
Simon rushes in & sees Harry trying to free himself from the grasp of Lyle & Winfield.
Run for it, Simon!
Simon is not about to desert his friend. Instead he lowers his head & runs full tilt into Winfield, catching him in the thigh & knocking him back over an easy chair.
Harry, run for it!
Harry dives on Winfield to hold him down.
Simon, you can make it! Go!
Lyle grabs Simon. Simon takes a hold of Lyle's tie & yanks his head down, cracking his jaw on the top of Simon's head! Lyle spins away dizzily.
But Winfield has gotten behind Harry & gets the chloroform over Harry's nose & mouth. Simon rushes up behind Winfield's knees, trying to topple him, but Lyle hits Simon over the head from behind, knocking Simon out. Harry drops into unconsciousness & is put in the trunk, which is latched.
LYLE (rubbing his jaw; looks down at Simon)
Feisty little sucker.
Forget him. Let's go!
They pick up the trunk & carry it out the door. Simon remains motionless on the floor.
EXT. HOTEL - LOADING DOCK - DAY - 56
Lyle & Winfield carry the trunk past the loading dock. When they're o.s., Alex comes out onto the loading dock with the Security Guard.
ALEX & SECURITY GUARD - 57
The guy's a bit wacko. How can you even be sure what you says was stolen was stolen? (X)
Through a thorough investigation, that's how. Now, I'd like to see that list of pickups & deliveries. (X)
The Security Guard nods & moves off.
INT. HARRY'S ROOM - DAY - 58
Simon regains consciousness. He touches his head. It's still sore. He rushes to the window on the top floor.
SIMON'S P.O.V. - 59
Below, Lyle & Winfield load the trunk in the back of their van, get in & start driving away.
SIMON - 60
turns & bolts toward the door!
IN THE CORRIDOR - 61
Simon rushes to the door to his room, uses his key & opens it! (Simon's room must face in the same direction as Harry's room.)
INT. SIMON'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY - 62
Simon dashes in, grabs his carpetbag & goes out onto:
THE BALCONY - 63
Simon looks down.
SIMON'S P.O.V. - 64
The van is just leaving the hotel parking lot!
SIMON - 65
opens his bag & starts pulling things out!
CLOSEUP - SIMON - 66
hooking straps onto the bag.
CLOSEUP - A RODLIKE CONTRIVANCE - 67
emerges from the end of the bag with two folded sections laying flush to the rod that unfold to form a propeller.
CLOSEUP - SIMON - 68
pushes a button on his bag & holds the bag upside-down.
ANOTHER ANGLE - 69
The red balloon begins to inflate out of Simon's bag.
EXT. LOADING DOCK - DAY - 70
Alex checks the list on a clipboard. (X)
And there were no other vehicles except for those.
That's everything since Krellman arrived last night.
All right. I'll check them out.
What's a C.I.C. man doing here anyway?
Personal security. My friend has a tendency to get into tight spots. Figured here he'd have a chance to relax & stay out of trouble.
Alex's smile suddenly disappears as his eyes register shock.
No . . .
ALEX'S P.O.V. - 71
Floating across the sky, riding on his bag beneath a red balloon, is Simon. the propeller attached to the bag powers Simon along. (NOTE: To be BLUE-SCREENED).
ALEX - 72
starts running after Simon.
Simon! Simon, what are you doing?! Simon, stop!
ANGLE - THE SKY - 73
Simon can't hear Alex as he floats off like a mini dirigible against the sky.
Back to Top
END OF ACT TWO
EXT. DESERT - AERIAL P.O.V. - DAY - 74
Far down below we SEE the van driving into the desert.
CLOSE ON SIMON (BLUE SCREEN) - 75
Suspended in the harness below his bag, watching the van. Simon is able to steer the mini dirigible with a handlike joystick attached to the harness.
ALEX - 76
drives his Vette through the streets in a residential neighborhood, a man possessed, trying to keep one eye on the road & the other on:
SIMON (BLUE SCREEN) - 77
sailing away in the distance.
CLOSE ON SIMON - 78
against sky, steering, looking down at:
THE VAN - 79
Now on a dirt road through the desert.
INT. VAN - CLOSE ON TRUNK - DAY - 80
In the back. We HEAR a muffled yell from inside. The another. Then feet & fists start pounding.
LYLE & WINFIELD - 81
ignore it & turn right. (It would be great if we could SEE Simon in the sky in the b.g. & tie them in.)
EXT. STREET - DAY - 82
The Vette speeds out into the desert!
ALEX - 83
Alex scans the sky for Simon. He spots him off to one side of the road. But there's nowhere for Alex to turn off!
AERIAL P.O.V. - 84
The van approaches an isolated house in the desert.
SIMON - 85
Simon starts to release helium using his small control panel. The bag begins to descend . . . but it's going down too fast, & Simon's face shows it.
ALEX - 86
has lost sight of Simon. He scans the horizon, his eyes off the road for a long time! Suddenly a HORN HONKS! Alex looks forward in time to see:
A HUGE TRUCK - 87 (X)
coming right at him! Alex swerves!
EXT. ROAD - DAY - 88
The Vette goes off the side of the road & lands in the sand. Alex isn't hurt, but the car isn't going anywhere. (X)
EXT. DESERT HOUSE - DAY - 89
Lyle & Winfield carry the trunk, with Harry still kicking inside, into the house. They don't notice:
SIMON - 90
behind them coming in for a somewhat out-of-control landing. But that's not the real problem. The problem is that he's heading into:
A TREE - 91 (X)
near the house.
SIMON - 92
tries to avoid the tree but can't! The balloon crashes into the branches! Simon topples off the bag! (X)
OUT - 93-94
ANGLE - SIMON - 95
lands on his feet, but falls hard to the ground on his butt, hitting it on pointed rock!
EXTREME CLOSEUP - 95-A
of Simon registering pain, BEAT, then:
INT. RANCH HOUSE - DAY - 96
The trunk has been set in front of Moss & Kilgore. Lyle has undone the latches. We HEAR Simon SCREAM from outside! (X) Suddenly the top of the trunk flies open & Harry pops up!
HARRY (recognizing Simon)
(beat; sees his surroundings)
Run for it!
OUTSIDE - LYLE & WINFIELD - 97
run toward Simon, guns drawn. Simon looks into the barrels of their guns.
OUT - 98
EXT. DESERT - DAY - 99
Alex has left the Corvette behind & sprints through the desert in the direction he last saw Simon.
INT. RANCH HOUSE - BACK ROOM - CLOSE ON HARRY'S GARBAGE-A-RATOR - DAY - 100
OPEN TO REVEAL Simon, Harry, Kilgore & Moss. Lyle & Winfield stand near the door, not needing to hold their guns to be a threat.
It doesn't matter what we're going to do with it. What matters is if we're not able to, if it doesn't work, those men are going to take you both for a ride in the desert.
No, look, I don't know what Kilgore here told you, but that thing doesn't work, never did. It was a joke, a -- a fake -- a gag.
You're lying. I saw it work with my own eyes.
HARRY (to Moss)
Who are you gonna trust, me or the guy who sold me out?
He's a lawyer. You can't trust a lawyer.
I'm a lawyer.
SIMON (recognizes him)
Joe Pranski's lawyer.
Proves my point.
And mine. You see, Mr. Pranski will be here in thirty minutes. Now either the papers in that safe disintegrate before his eyes, or the both of you will. And that's not an idle threat.
Look, I . . . I can't get it to work. I want to, believe me, but I . . . I've tried, but . . . I don't have my schematics, my tools . . . (X)
KILGORE (desperate himself)
Cut the crud! We both know the schematics are in your head & I've got all the tools you need here! Now my butt is on the line in this too, so you get that thing to work! And if you can't, he'd better! (X)
Kilgore points at Simon.
You leave him out of this!
Harry gets behind Simon & pulls Simon to him protectively. (X)
KILGORE (to Moss)
He's Simon McKay. He holds more patents in this country than almost any other inventor.
Moss nods to Lyle & Winfield, who draw their weapons & aim them.
I don't care which of you gets that thing to work. But you only have twenty-eight minutes to do it. (X)
EXT. DESERT - DAY - 100-A
Alex continues running through the heat. He's tired but won't quit.
OUT - 101-103
INT. RANCH HOUSE - ROOM - DAY - 104
A panel is open REVEALING the Ultrason's wiring. Lyle & Winfield still hold their guns. Moss & Kilgore watch Harry & Simon, who stare into the open panel. (X)
Quit staring at it & fix it! (X)
I'm trying to remember how!
KILGORE (at Simon)
Then you , McKay, do something!
I'm suffering from inventor's block.
Don't be a wise guy.
He's telling the truth. He is.
Then you better get over it fast.
I'm trying, but I need to relax. You can't expect me to relax with guns pointed at me.
We can't concentrate when I'm nervous. I mean I can't think when he's -- I mean, look how nervous I am, I can't even talk, how do you expect us to fix this?
Okay. We'll leave you alone. But you'd better work fast.
Moss gets everyone out of the room. When the door closes, Harry makes a break for the window! The door opens again! Harry bolts to a stop & pulls open the drapes.
HARRY (to Moss)
We need more light.
Harry sees bars on the window & his heart sinks. Moss points to Simon.
MOSS (a clear threat)
He'll be first to go.
Moss closes the door. Harry shuffles back to Simon.
Simon, this is all my fault. I'm sorry I got you into this. (X)
Don't worry about that. We've just got to think of a way out.
Simon sits down to ponder. A beat, then he leaps to his feet as if with inspiration.
You got an idea?
No, a sudden impulse, but I'm afraid it's at the wrong end.
Harry bangs his head against the wall.
Don't blame yourself, Moe.
No, it's not Moe. It's Artie.
For artificial! Phoney, fraud! That's me, the original four letter word -- fake!
You mean the Ultrason really doesn't work?
Rashovsky was right. It is a Garbage-a-rator, & it's garbage!
Harry, they're going to kill us because they think it does work!
I made a video tape. Used a cheap magic trick to convince Kilgore, that's all.
For two years I put every waking hour, every dollar I had into this. It all made sense, the design, the engineering, everything. For once Moe Krellman was going to invent something that mankind wouldn't laugh at -- for get mankind, that my mother wouldn't laugh at -- but like every other brainstorm I ever had, when the flash of lighting was gone, all that was left was a big puddle.
But then why fake it? Why pretend it worked?
I don't know. I thought I was close. I thought I'd get it working by the convention. Simon, you don't know what it's like to realize that your entire purpose in life is to provide comic relief.
You're a good inventor, Moe. You're ingenious, creative --
I'm a clown. A stooge. Why do you think I act like I do? Being laughed at is better than being pitied.
Simon goes to the open panel on the Ultrason.
This is a brilliant design, well thought out, well conceived. It's not the work of a stooge or a fraud.
But the bottom line is it doesn't work. The world is full of well conceived washouts. The truth is I was relieved when it was stolen. I should have thought of that myself. And now, because of me . . .
Harry sits silently for a second, then dashes to the barred window & starts pulling wildly on the bars again. Simon rushes over to him.
I've gotta get you outta here, Simon.
Harry grabs Simon around the waist, picks him up, pivots him, & pushes his legs out through the bars. (The following must be done in whispers to prevent them from being heard.)
Put me down --
You can squeeze through . . .
SIMON (grabs his butt)
Pain is fleeting!
Harry keeps pushing Simon, whose torso gets stuck.
Just a little more . . .
You still eating all that candy? (X)
Pull me back in.
Breathe out! (X)
Harry tries to pull Simon back in, but he's stuck this way, too.
Simon, you're right. You are stuck. (X)
EXT. RANCH HOUSE - AFTERNOON - 105
Alex, catching his breath, stands a distance away from the ranch house.
ALEX'S P.O.V. - 106 (X)
scanning the house. He sees Lyle coming back from Moss' jeep carrying a briefcase. Continuing to scan the house he sees Simon's lower torso sticking out of the window on the side of the house.
ALEX - 107
INT. RANCH HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - 108
Lyle comes in & hands Moss his briefcase. Moss opens it. He Kilgore are growing impatient.
Get in there, see what they're doing?
Kilgore walks toward the other room as Moss takes some papers out of his briefcase.
IN THE BACK ROOM - 109
Harry continues trying to pull Simon out of the window.
Harry's eyes go wide! His brain races!
OUTSIDE THE DOOR - 110
Kilgore opens the door & looks into the room. He sees:
HARRY - 111
sitting on a chair in front of the window holding up a circuit board. Simon's head is over Harry's shoulder also studying the board (the illusion being that Simon is standing behind Harry). They look up at Kilgore. (X)
Almost got it. (X)
We've narrowed the problem down to this circuit board.
HARRY (to Simon)
I think the lateral-medial circuit got crossed with the positron tracer unit. What do you think? (X)
Well that would impede conduction, but --
-- Do you mind? If you want us to get this done . . .
You're running out of time.
Kilgore shuts the door.
Harry & Simon breathe sighs of relief.
ALEX (o.s. whisper)
Harry jumps up, knocking back Simon's head with his shoulder.
What's going on? What are you doing here?
He's stuck, that's what he's doing.
There's no time to explain. My bag, it's in the tree around over there. Get it & bring it back here! Hurry!
OUT - 112-137
INT. LIVING ROOM - CLOSEUP - DAY - 137-A
Moss' watch. OPEN to SCENE. Moss & Kilgore huddle. Lyle & Winfield are potential threats to them & they know it.
Pranski'll be here any minute.
Would he really get rid of us?
Without batting an eye.
They said they found the problem. A circuit board or something.
Well they'd better fix it fast!
INT./EXT. BARRED WINDOW - CLOSEUP - DAY - 137-AA
Simon's bag. Alex pulls out a container labeled "GOOP" (like a container of Slime.) SHOT OPENS.
Is this it? Goop?
That's it. Coat the bars & put some where I'm stuck. (X)
Alex opens the container & pours the gooey substance in his hands. He's slightly disgusted.
Okay, I hope you know what you're doing.
Alex puts the slime on the bars & Simon's body around the area where he's stuck. Harry helps from the inside.
All right, Harry, you push, Alex pull!
Alex & Harry do as Simon asks, & with the slime as a lubricant, Simon finally pops out through the bars, free on the outside.
Okay, Harry, now we're going to get you right out!
HARRY - 137-B
looks at his own physique, then at the bars.
Simon, there isn't enough Goop on the planet.
I'm going to use my big toe.
Your big toe?
Simon nods & takes:
A TOY TOW TRUCK - 137-C
out of his bag. On the side is written "BIG TOW".
EXT. BARRED WINDOW - MOMENTS LATER - 137-D
The toy tow truck is on the ground, Simon kneeling making adjustments as:
ALEX - 137-E
attaches a cable to the bars of the window. He comes back to Simon.
Simon, look, with all due respect, a real tow truck would have trouble pulling out those bars.
But a real tow truck doesn't have these.
CLOSE ON THE TIRES - 137-F
as Simon turns a switch & gripper claws come out. (NOTE: THESE CAN BE TAKEN FROM A GALOOB TOY "THE ANIMAL.")
BACK TO SCENE - 137-G
Simon turns the tow truck on. The claws grip & it starts forward.
THE CABLE - 137-H
THE BARS - 137-I
offer resistance. Harry pushes them from behind!
CLOSE ON THE TIRES - 137-J
spinning, spewing up dirt, struggling for traction!
SIMON & ALEX - 137-K
watch, Alex doubtful, Simon hopeful.
SIMON (to himself)
Do it . . . I know you can, I know you can . . .
ANGLE - 137-L
The toy gets traction & surges ahead!
THE WINDOW (SLOW MOTION) - 137-M
is pulled out of the wall!
ANGLE - 137-N
when the dust clears, Simon & Alex rush to the opening where the window was.
Moe, let's go, hurry!
Alex & Simon react as they see:
THEIR P.O.V. - 137-O
Harry is held at gunpoint by Lyle & Winfield, with Moss & Kilgore also in the room.
BEHIND THEM - 137-O1 (X)
Pranski's limousine pulls up.
Back to Top
END OF ACT THREE
EXT. RANCH HOUSE - DAY - 137-P
Pranski's limo is once again parked outside.
INT. RANCH HOUSE - DAY - 138
Lyle & Winfield, guns in hand, stand on either side of Alex whose hands are tied to the chair he's seated in. Kilgore, Moss, Harry & Simon face Pranski, all talking at once.
MOSS (pointing at Kilgore)
He said it would work, it's his fault! Mr. Pranski, I've still got a good defense planned for you . . .
KILGORE (pointing at Harry; overlap)
I'm not responsible! He invented it!
(points at Moss)
You came to me --
-- He came to me! I'm just a patent attorney!
If you wanna waste somebody, waste me. You'll be eradicating waste that my waste eradicator can't eradicate 'cause it's a waste of time trying to get it to eradicate waste?
Moe! -- Don't listen to him. It's not his fault.
(points at lawyers)
They're the ones that let you down. We're just a couple of inventors minding our own business, who --
PRANSKI (partial overlap)
That's enough. I said that's enough!!
Everyone shuts up.
PRANSKI (calm but intense)
There's only one thing I want to hear from any of you. That the Ultrason works! And that when I'm in court tomorrow morning & the D.A. goes to bring in the garbage he calls evidence, he comes in with dust on his hands.
You're grasping at straws, Pranski. Face it. The game's over. You lost. Don't make it worse.
Pranski seems to be inspecting Alex as he stares at him.
I make people grasp at straws.
Get rid of him.
Lyle & Winfield start to follow orders.
If you get rid of him I won't fix the machine.
Attention turns to Simon.
Nobody has to grasp at straws.
Are you saying you can get this to work?
Mm-hmm. The question is, will I.
This is one of those wonderful moments when Simon feels that quirky cockiness that comes from getting a good idea. Pranski is not easily intimidated.
Oh no, there's no question about that.
I know my punctuation.
But I make my periods with a bullet.
While Lyle keeps his gun on Alex, Winfield turns his weapon toward Harry.
I've made up my mind. I will. But I can't fix it here. I need my tools, the equipment in my workshop.
PRANSKI - 138-A
stares at Simon, who stares right back. Pranski draws into a huddle with Moss & Kilgore. As they talk softly:
ALEX - 138-B
whispers to Simon, who is standing next to him.
What are you doing?
Just trying to get the home field advantage.
Pranski steps forward.
How far is your workshop?
An hour away.
Pranski studies Simon, weighs his options. He turns to Moss & Kilgore.
You'd better deliver.
Pranski starts toward the door. Lyle & Winfield start to herd people after them.
There's a kicker.
I have a housekeeper. She's there having tea with some other ladies. Little old ladies having tea. They don't need to be in the middle of this. Let me call & get them out of the house.
Even Pranski isn't that cold-hearted. He nods.
INT. RANCH HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER - 139
Simon holds the receiver to his ear. OPEN TO SEE his every word about to be closely scrutinized.
INT. SIMON'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - CLOSE ON A TEA SERVICE - DAY - 140
We HEAR an incongruent sound -- the sound of a hotly contested poker game. OPEN TO SEE Tillie with other "ladies" playing seven stud. Tillie wears a visor & has plenty of chips in front of her. The phone rings.
She puts her hole cards under her chips & leaves the table as the action continues. Tillie answers the phone.
Make it quick, I got two pair showin'.
TILLIE (shushing other ladies with a finger to her lips; covering)
Simon. the ladies & I, we're . . . we're looking at gloves, pairs of gloves. There's a pair of doeskins --
Tillie! Tillie, I'm sorry to interrupt, but you & the ladies will have to leave the house. I'm coming home with guests & we need total privacy. You can have the night off.
The night off? Simon, what are you -- (X)
I expect you all to be gone when I get there. Have a good night, Tillie. And don't come back without calling first.
From Tillie's end we HEAR Simon's phone hang up. Tillie ignores the other ladies calling her to get back in the hand, trying to figure out what Simon's up to.
All right, ladies, count up your chips & let's cash in. (X)
As the women complain we:
EXT. SIMON'S HOUSE - NIGHT - 141
INT. SIMON'S HOUSE - NIGHT - 142
The poker table has been turned back into the dining room table. There is no sign of Tillie as we HEAR the door open, then SEE Simon leading everyone down the hall.
There everyone is: Harry, Alex (hands tied behind him), Pranski, Moss, Kilgore, Lyle & Winfield. Harry carries the Garbage-a-rator. Moss & Kilgore struggle under the weight of the safe.
INT. SIMON'S WORKSHOP - NIGHT - 143
The door to Simon's inner sanctum slides open.
I'll need it in here.
Pranski sends Lyle in first to check the room out, then Harry carries the device in. Winfield pushes Alex down into a chair.
SIMON - 144
goes to get the flying saucer that burned, & a couple of other devices. He hands them to Moss & Kilgore, who have put the safe down on a worktable.
Here, take this in there, these, I'll need these . . .
What are those for?
Spare parts, mechanisms I'll need to do the repairs.
You've got one hour.
I'll only take a few minutes. Harry, let's go to work.
Harry is hopeful Simon knows what he's doing.
Right. Let's go to work.
Harry salutes Pranski as he goes into the private workshop with Simon. But they're not allowed to close the door.
IN THE INNER SANCTUM - 145
Simon starts to work on the flying saucer, opening it up & as if his inventor's block is history, rearranging the insides. People are listening so they have to be cryptic.
What's the plan of attack?
To make the Ultrason work again. (X)
Harry mouths, "Again?" Simon begins to deliver a cryptic message to Harry that Harry doesn't really get.
You go make sure the papers in the safe are ready for a "convincing demonstration."
You really think it'll work?
Of course it will, "Cosmo", it's your invention. It has to work. Go ahead, you work your magic & I'll work mine.
Simon encourages Harry to go take care of the papers in the safe. Harry isn't sure but goes anyway. (X)
HARRY - 146
comes into the workshop where Alex is still tied up, & the others are looking at Simon's toys. Pranski takes up with Simon's computerized chess set. Harry goes to the safe.
The papers you want pulverized in here?
Okay, we have to move it over in line with the sonic firing units. Come on, let's go, right over here.
Harry enjoys being the foreman over Moss & Kilgore, who move the safe to a table across from the inner sanctum door.
CLOSE ON SIMON - 147
pretending to use a remote controller as if it were a welding tool, using the antenna as the welder when in reality he is controlling:
A TOY FIRE TRUCK - 148
that starts slowly forward.
ANOTHER ANGLE - 149
We SEE, but others don't notice, the hook-&-ladder driving up behind the chair where Alex's hands are tied in back of him.
SIMON - 150
works the remote controller.
THE FIRE TRUCK'S LADDER - 151
elevates up near the ropes binding Alex's wrists. A little fireman starts to climb up holding an axe in his hand.
HARRY - 152
continues having Moss & Kilgore line up the safe with the Garbage-a-rator.
A little to the left. That's it. Perfect. To the right, a little to the right.
Harry looks back at:
SIMON - 153
who manipulates the remote control.
THE TOY FIREMAN - 154
begins hacking at Alex's ropes with its little axe. It's not that powerful, but it starts to cut a few strands at a time.
ALEX - 155
reacts, sees what's happening, & doesn't give it away.
CLOSE ON THE ROPE - LATER - 156
The little fireman keeps chopping, halfway through one of the ropes now.
SIMON - 157
comes out carrying the flying saucer & puts it down casually, done with it.
We're ready to prove that Moe Krellman, Cosmo to his friends, is the genius inventor of our time.
You did all the work, Simon.
I'm a good mechanic, but you designed the unit.
But my design can only be as good as --
Let's stop hearing about it & see it work!
INT. WORKSHOP - MINUTES LATER - 158
CLOSE ON the twin barrels of the Garbage-a-rator.
CLOSE ON SIMON'S HANDS - 159
turning it on.
CLOSE ON THE SAFE - 160
its solid steel door closed & locked as the SOUND of the Garbage-a-rator starts to vibrate.
CLOSE ON THE TOY FIREMAN - 161
cutting farther through the ropes.
CLOSE ON ALEX - 162
sizing everything up, waiting.
CLOSE ON PRANSKI - 163
watching the demonstration with anticipation.
CLOSE ON HARRY - 164
watching the demonstration with confused curiosity & hope, his head moving kind of like a fly's taking everything in.
WIDE ANGLE - 165
The Garbage-a-rator has been wheeled to the open doorway between the two workshops. Simon turns the machine off.
That should be enough.
Pranski gestures for Moss to open the safe. Everyone gathers around it.
ALEX - 166
pulls on the ropes that have been scored & they break! He looks at Simon, who shakes his head, indicating that Alex should wait for the right time. Alex holds his position.
THE SAFE DOOR - 167
is opened. The papers that were in it have turned to dust! Pranski is pleased. Moss & Kilgore are relieved. Harry is dumbfounded.
It worked. It worked! Simon!
Harry scoops some of the dust up in his hand.
SIMON (nods, winks)
Of course it worked. It only needed a minor adjustment. Now, Mr. Pranski, have your men drop their weapons.
Everyone turns to see:
SIMON - 168
aiming the Garbage-a-rator right at Pranski.
You're as biodegradable as any garbage I've ever seen. Now tell them to drop their weapons or they'll have to sweep you up in a dust pan!
Lyle & Winfield look to Pranski, who holds his ground.
That takes ten seconds. You'll be dead first.
It's only ten seconds if you're inside a safe. I'd say that make you quite unsafe.
ANGLE ON MOSS - 169
off to the side by the stuffed gorilla. With everyone's attention focused on Simon & Pranski, Moss surreptitiously pulls a small caliber revolver from under his coat.
CLOSE ON SIMON - 170
his finger on the trigger, staring Pranski down.
CLOSE ON PRANSKI - 171
weighing his options.
ANGLE - MOSS - 172
aims the gun at Simon! As he FIRES, the gorilla suddenly swings a powerful arm at him, knocking the SHOT off line! With that:
ALEX - 173
breaks out of the chair & tackles Lyle! They fight over Lyle's gun!
HARRY - 174
blows the dust in his hand into Winfield's eyes, then dives on him! they begin to fight.
PRANSKI - 175
doesn't want to be dusted 7 takes off running toward the stairs! he picks up the gun that was knocked out of Moss' hands.
SIMON - 176
runs to the flying saucer!
THE GORILLA - 177
sends Moss flying against the wall & he slumps down. The gorilla, arms out & threatening, comes after Kilgore, the patent attorney backs away.
IN THE HALLWAY - 178
Pranski runs toward the front door! Suddenly the flying saucer, lights blinking, aura around it, descends right in front of Pranski, cutting off his escape. He's forced to run into the living room.
SIMON - 179
operating the remote control, chases after him.
IN THE LIVING ROOM - 180
The flying saucer chases Pranski. He SHOOTS at it, then sees Simon & shoots at him. Simon ducks!
IN THE WORKSHOP - 181
the fights between Alex & Lyle, & Harry & Winfield continue. Harry should use available toys to help him fight off the stronger man.
THE GORILLA - 182
stands on a fallen Kilgore, pounding its chest.
IN THE LIVING ROOM - 183
Simon manipulates the remote control. The flying saucer dives at Pranski! He ducks & fires!
THE GORILLA - 184
appears at the living room door! Pranski aims his gun!
SIMON - 185
pushes a switch on the remote control!
THE FLYING SAUCER - 186
emits a beam of light that zaps the gun out of Pranski's hand. Simon stands, holding the remote like a trigger.
Down there you'd be dust. Up here it's swiss cheese.
PRANSKI (hands up)
All right, all right, you win.
We HEAR Tillie's VOICE should approval, then see the gorilla's head get lifted off, revealing Tillie.
Ah, Simon, I knew from your phone call you needed my help! (X)
ANGLE - 187
Alex & Harry come up with Lyle, Winfield, Moss & Kilgore at gunpoint.
I gotta tell ya, of all the conventions we've been to together, Simon, this year's was without a doubt, the most exciting.
(holds out his hand, Tillie in the gorilla suit)
(looks her up & down.)
You know, you're a very attractive woman.
Tillie blushes as we:
Back to Top
END OF ACT FOUR
INT. SIMON'S WORKSHOP - DAY - 188
A beat of the still life aftermath of the fight down here: the safe door opens, the garbage-a-rator poised in the doorway. PAN TO the stairs in time to SEE the buoyant entrance of Simon, Harry, Tillie (sans gorilla suit) & Alex. This is a celebration.
Last time I saw that many squad cars was when I started a riot in Tangiers!
ALEX (overlap to Simon)
I couldn't believe it when that toy fireman started chopping through the ropes. I thought I was gonna blow it!
You know what this moment feels like?
Everybody looks at Harry, waiting for him to continue.
I don't know. I've never felt this way before.
Harry picks up Tillie & swings her around.
Wooo -- not many men have been able to do that before either!
Harry sets her down as Alex & Simon watch with joy. Harry comes over to Simon, nodding his head. Simon smiles & nods back. For a moment they both nod.
Simon . . .
Moe . . .
I thought your name was Cosmo.
It is. Cosmo the Cosmic Inventor! And his trusted companion, Wizard! Except we're not a comic book, are we, Simon? We're real! The Ultrason is real! (X)
It works! It actually works! Simon how did you do it?
You did it, not me.
What'd I do? Set up the safe. You're the one that fixed it. You're a genius! More than a genius -- a mental giant -- more than a --
Moe, hold on a minute. I didn't fix anything. I just pulled off a bluff.
You were bluffing with Pranski?
I learned how to keep a poker face from Tillie.
Tillie blushes. Harry has a bewildered look on his face. He scoops the pile of dust out of the safe in the palms of his hands.
Look at this. It's dust!
I know. It was brilliant. You're going to have to teach me that one.
Which one? What?
The magic trick -- the illusion of changing the papers for the dust, like you did on the video tape.
I never saw this dust before in my life!
Look, I called you Cosmo. I said work your magic. And you did.
I had no idea what you were talking about.
These are the papers.
He spreads his hands & the dust floats to the floor. Simon turns & looks at the Garbage-a-rator.
Simon, I'd say your inventor's block is definitely over.
TILLIE (tongue firmly in cheek)
See, I told you. Peace & quiet -- does the trick every time.
As Harry & Alex enjoy Tillie's remark, Simon gazes in wonder at the:
GARBAGE-A-RATOR - 189
poised proudly in the doorway. Simon & Harry ENTER FRAME on either side of it, Harry the proud father, & Simon, the bewildered uncle.
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