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Nobody's Perfect

Episode Synopsis

Originally Aired November 8, 1986

~"It's a pity you can't get in there (the brain) with a wrench or something & fix it up, you know." - Simon to Moe~

Mental blocks can - & do - happen.  Yes, even to an imaginative genius like Simon McKay.  Everyone has also experienced at least one of those days when everything that can go wrong does.

Simon was having one of those days when everything that can go wrong does - with gusto.  Not only was he having a problem getting any new inventions to work, he couldn't even make his existing inventions work properly.  The flying saucer wasn't just malfunctioning - it was exploding!  The mobile smoke detector didn't just fall silent - it was running around yelling 'Erif!' instead of 'Fire!'  It was enough to make a saint take to blasphemy & Simon McKay to consider getting out of the invention business altogether.

Alex & Tillie agreed that Simon just needed some rest, relaxation & a change of scene.  Their answer was for Simon to accept an invitation to judge at the inventor's convention being held in Indian Springs.  For Simon, the idea of facing his friends & fellow inventors at a time like this didn't sit very well.  Yet, thanks to some gentle persuasion (Tillie style), he found himself poolside with Alex at the hotel where the convention was being held.

Simon loved seeing his old inventing chums again, but he was still feeling quite a bit unsure of himself.  Alex was really impressed & happy for his friend as he listened in on the other inventors praising Simon's inventive genius.  Simon was just hoping they wouldn't find out what was really going on inside his brain - which was absolutely nothing inventive.  Then Simon heard the one voice he needed to hear.  That of his best inventing buddy, Moe Krellman.

Now, a nickname like Teeny-Weeny would be quite insulting & demeaning to Simon if it came from anyone other than the man he affectionately called Mighty Moe.  But Simon meant the world & heaven to Moe & he knew it.  They met at an inventor's convention in Chicago.  It was at that convention that they conceived their first joint venture - something really useful for mankind - Edible Silverware!  Universe only knows how we continue to survive without it.  They could have fun & be imaginative together, but Moe did wish he could be more like Simon & make his inventions come to fruition instead of having them end up as piles of dust.  Moe was the one person that Simon could confide in about his dry spell & Simon was the one person Moe had who truly believed in him, come what may.

Moe, who was now going by the name of Harry - or Cosmo Krellman, Cosmic Inventor - in the hopes of changing his luck, felt that this time he had finally succeeded.  He had invented a machine that would revolutionize the world & help humankind by disintegrating used paper & waste, turning it into the same dust his previous inventions had become.  His current invention would rid the world of garbage dumps everywhere.  He even had videotaped proof that it worked & excitedly told Simon & Alex all about it.  Simon was very happy for his friend & eager to get a glimpse at the new Ultrasonic Decomposition Projector - Ultrason, to it's friends.  Nothing would have made Simon happier than to award Moe/Harry/Cosmo with a prize that year.

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What none of them knew was that Kilgor, the patent lawyer who helped Moe/Harry/Cosmo videotape the successful test run of the Ultrason, had stolen the tape to show to the man considered one of the most powerful mobsters in the country, Joe Pransky.  Pransky was currently on trial for his crimes & this time the federal prosecution had enough evidence to convict him.  Pransky was desperate to avoid conviction & those around him were desperate to avoid a hit being put out on their lives because of it.  Especially his legal team.  Once Pransky had seen the video, he demanded that the device be brought to him so he could see it tested in person.  If it really worked, he would be able to destroy all the evidence against him.  What criminal wouldn't like that?!

Panic rocked the hotel once Moe/Harry/Cosmo discovered that the Ultrason had vanished.  The other inventors wrote it off as his way of not having to unveil yet another failure.  Alex would have written it off, too, if it weren't for Simon.  Simon truly believed in his friend &, by this time, Alex very much believed in Simon.  So the federal agent started an official investigation even though he felt like "Alex in Wonderland".  He couldn't help but wonder if he would be recalled for a psychiatric evaluation after asking colleagues back at the office to do a run down of the guest list.  Simon just tried to calm & console his distraught friend.

Meanwhile, in a run down house on the outskirts of Indian Springs, Kilgor was now trying to make the Ultrason work it's magic for Joe Pransky.  He failed & Pransky demanded that the inventor be brought in to make it work.  It was clear that he wasn't going to send an engraved invitation in the hopes that Mr. Krellman would be gracious enough to accept.  Pransky's thugs broke into Moe/Harry/Cosmo's hotel room & waited to grab him.  Simon tried to help his friend, but was knocked unconscious in the ensuing scuffle.  When he came to, the thugs had taken a drugged Moe/Harry/Cosmo out through a service entrance in a moving trunk right in front of Alex, who was continuing with his investigation completely unaware of the worsening situation.

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Simon didn't have time to find Alex once he regained consciousness.  He couldn't let those thugs take his friend to parts unknown.  Forgetting his inventor's block, Simon turned his carpet bag into a blimp & took off after the van containing the trunk which, in turn, contained a now conscious & very panicked Krellman.  Alex was probably not as shocked as he would have been in the past to look up in the middle of his investigation & see Simon riding through the air on his carpet bag.  Which is not to say that he was any less upset about it.

So Alex, in his sports car, chased after Simon, on his carpet bag blimp, who was, in turn, chasing after the bad guy's van.  A convertible sports car may be great for the ego, but it's not really the best vehicle to choose for a chase down dirt roads.  Especially if one end's up face to face with an oversized tractor-trailer.  Soon it was Alex, on foot, chasing the others who were still in control of their vehicles.  Well, at least until Simon tried to land.  It was neither a soft nor quiet landing & Simon quickly found himself reunited with his kidnapped friend, but at the mercy of the bad guys.

One out of two ain't bad.

The inventors were ordered to make the Ultrason work by the time Pransky returned or they, Kilgor & the head of Pransky's legal team would all lose their lives.  After being left alone to fix the device, Moe/Harry/Cosmo came clean to Simon that the Ultrason had ended up as big a failure as every other invention.  He pulled a cheap magic trick during the video demonstration with no idea that it would lead to the current situation.  All he wanted was proof, even faked proof, that just one of his inventions was successful.  But once Simon had seen the device, he wasn't certain that it was a failure.  He saw potential in the Ultrason, but Moe/Harry/Cosmo thought Simon was just trying to console him again.  Finding a way out of this situation wouldn't be easy since there were lawyers & thugs with guns on the other side of the door & bars on the only window.

A tired & winded Alex knew he found the right place when he saw the legs of a very stuck Simon sticking out from between the bars on the window.  He used a spray can of Goop, which Simon had invented for just such a purpose, to free his friend.  Then Simon used a toy tow truck with specially equipped wheels to pull the bars off of the window in the hopes of freeing his fellow hostage.  Unfortunately, Moe/Harry/Cosmo wasn't able to get out of the window before being grabbed by the thugs.  Simon & Alex were stopped by a limo containing Joe Pransky.

At least the inventor's block seemed to be lifting.

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Simon convinced an irate Pransky to move the proceedings to Simon's workshop on the pretext that the inventors would be able to get the Ultrason working there.  First, Simon called Tillie to clear the house.  Tillie had been spending the day hosting a poker tournament for her friends.  In order to keep her safe, Simon referred to Tillie as his housekeeper & spoke to her on the phone as if she were.  The old sea-dog sensed that the gale warnings were being hoisted & cleared the house.  Once the inventors, a bound Alex & the bad guys arrived, the house was still.  Simon took everyone to his workshop & set about working his magic.  He pretended to set up & make last minute adjustments to the Ultrason, all the while using a remote controlled toy fireman with an axe to cut the rope loose from Alex's wrists.  It took a lot of self control from a surprised Alex to not give the show away.  Moe/Harry/Cosmo set about making the lawyers move the safe for the demonstration around until it was in position.  Not even Simon was aware that there was an additional presence in the workshop silently watching as the proceedings unfolded.

Everyone braced for what was to happen next.  Simon directed the Ultrason at the safe for the required 10 seconds.  Moe/Harry/Cosmo slowly opened the safe door to discover a pile of dust where the papers had once been.  Pransky was over the moon until Simon pointed the device directly at him & threatened to reduce the mobster to a similar pile of dust if he didn't order his minions to drop their weapons.  Chaos ensued as the gorilla, who had been quietly overseeing everything, knocked the gun out of one lawyer's hand before he could shoot Simon.  An unbound Alex seized the opportunity, jumped up & started to struggle with the thug nearest to him.  Moe/Harry/Cosmo went after another with anything he could lay his hands on.  Pransky took off up the stairs with the previously cantankerous flying saucer & Simon hot on his heels.  The now cooperative saucer finally cornered Pransky & convinced him to give up with a single shot that knocked the gun out of his hand.  It was then Tillie's turn to be over the moon after being in her first real brawl in a very long time.

In the quiet aftermath Simon congratulated his friend, who was now sticking pretty much to the name Cosmo, on pulling off such a remarkable switch between the paper & the dust in the safe.  Cosmo was quite confused by this pat on the back.  As it turns out, Simon had been right about the Ultrason all along.  It just took a bit of adjustment from Teeny-Weeny & Mighty Moe, the greatest inventing team in the universe, to make it work.

~"See, what did I tell you!  A little peace & quiet turns the trick every time!" - Tillie to Simon, Alex & Cosmo~

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written by The MGT.    Updated December 5, 2006



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