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Nobody's Perfect


Originally Aired November 8, 1986

~"Whoever invented friendship used you as the prototype." - Moe to Simon~

Flying Saucer

At first a malfunctioning, exploding, cantankerous mess, Simon's flying saucer would redeem itself by winning a showdown against mobster Joe Pransky & saving the day.

The saucer was swift & graceful in flight.  The featured capability was a laser gun, which Simon only used to disarm Mr. Pransky.  Floats like a radio controlled butterfly, stings like a radio controlled bee.

Although Simon did develop prototypes for the government from time to time, his refusal to have anything more to do with weapons development makes it highly probable that the flying saucer was a toy Simon had created for himself.  He certainly wouldn't have put it on the market with the laser feature attached.

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Mobile Smoke Detector

Since the only time we get to see this invention is on Simon's very bad day, all of the capabilities of the Mobile Smoke Detector are not know.  Taking the inventive thoroughness of The Wizard into account, it was probably also equipped with a fire detector & fire extinguisher.

The black box on wheels did don a bright red fire helmet to make it easily identifiable.  On a good day, it is meant to move about & yell "Fire!" when smoke &/or flame is detected.

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Edible Silverware

This one was just too much fun to pass up.

Edible Silverware was the very first collaborative brain-child of Teenie Weenie & Mighty Moe, the greatest inventing team in the universe.  The details of this invention are never revealed, but, considering the magical sense of humor of the inventors, they must have been as funny & fun as the idea implies.  We do know that it was meant to be both historic & useful to mankind.  Inasmuch as that remains to be seen, you can still have fun imagining the possibilities.

Imagine having less dishes to clean up because you've eaten half of them.  That's a major selling point right there.  It will also end at least one argument when it comes to the truly proper way to stack the dishwasher.  Imagine having to decide which table setting will or won't clash with your meal.  Imagine having more flavors of silverware than of ice cream.  Imagine mixing & matching your ice cream & spoon to create a truly unique flavor.

The possibilities are endless.

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Carpet Bag Zeppelin

When is a carpet bag more than just a carpet bag?  When it belongs to Simon McKay, of course.

Equipped with a motor, rudder, blimp, joy stick & control panel it becomes the ultimate in emergency transportation.  Perhaps a bit rough in landing, but it certainly faired better than Alex's sports car in this rescue mission.

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Ever had an idea you just knew would work & was brilliant, then got disappointed enough at the end result to give up in disgust, but found out after some tinkering that you were right in the first place?  For Moe Krellman, that was the Ultrason.

The Utrasonic Decomposition Projector was meant to disintegrate waste which could not be salvaged or recycled.  Used for good, it could help rid the world of garbage dumps by using the same sonic wave technology modern medicine still uses to safely break up kidney stones inside the human body.

The Ultrason looked something like a futuristic double barreled laser gun atop a tripod & was powerful enough to work up to 500 feet away from it's target.  It was also powerful enough to penetrate the walls of a safe disintegrating anything inside.  The barrels moved independently, each with a trigger at the handle's end.  The base of the Ultrason pivoted on the tripod so that the device could be aimed in almost any direction.

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Goop Spray

Since the invention of bars & railings there have been humans & animals alike who find themselves stuck in between them.  Whether the unfortunate being finds itself stuck through curiosity, a dare, or (in Simon's case) put there by a well-meaning friend trying to help them escape, Goop Spray will help to free the captive without having to cut the bars or railings.  The spray looks something like silly string & works like butter or grease allowing the captive to slide through to safety without making a big mess.

It's not known if Goop Spray will stain clothes, but when one is stuck between the iron bars of a window while trying to escape from certain death at a mobster's drop house, does it really matter?

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Tow Truck

Small enough to fit in Simon's carpet bag & powerful enough to pull iron bars off of a window.  The secret?  Special claws secreted in the back wheels.  Just turn the back wheels clockwise to reveal the claws.  Those claws help the truck gain extra traction by digging into the ground as the back wheels turn, thus making it more powerful than a 'real' tow truck.

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Fire Engine

Like the Flying Saucer, this radio controlled toy might just have been one Simon created for himself.  The fireman, which ran up & down the extending ladder of the truck, wielded an axe sharp enough to chop through the ropes which bound Alex's wrists.  Not a feature Simon would have allowed on the market for safety reasons.  It did, however, come in very handy when there was no other way to free Alex.

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written by The MGT. - Updated February 26, 2007



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